mixXx 2.0

nice song....

2005-12-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

song of the moment..it's just to soothing to listen to. i guess it's the effect of listening to nina's live cd over and over again in the car. anyway, if anyone knows the artist who originally sang this, hit me up! thanks.

There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
Until you find the true condition of the heart

Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it's you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny

I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure

I've got every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

Until the mountain snow melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love

I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again

to anyone who reads this shit

2005-10-30T03:57:00.000+08:00

This shit flat-out DESERVES to have a new face. Fortunately I have settled on a design. If all my plans fall through, this thing will have a new look by the end of November( yes i am that slow. haha!) Expect a fiery entrance for this blog. Kane ain't got shit on this. Im out. peace.

My Epiphany

2005-10-07T17:28:00.000+08:00

I sit and wonder
What exactly went wrong
what stripped us of our clothes
getting us cold and naked, afraid of the world

I can't seem to see what you wanted to say, we can't meet halfway..all i can hear is the sound of something dying, maybe that is what is really happening.

I try to remember all the things you said
all the sweet nothings, all the promises we made
Now that i'm all alone i realize that forever is still so far away

We had happiness when we became one, how could we let it slip from our hands?
We were on top of the world, how come we let ourselves fall down?

But your thoughts are already cemented in stone, my strength is low, i can't move anymore. all i can do is sit around and think of you and cry and crumble, just like our dreams, when the glass that held them began to shatter

I want to relive those times we had, the times we were together, every moment when we laughed hard. Now that i'm by myself i realize that forever is still so far away

I know we gave each other bruises and scars that will be with us forever, when we didn't realize and understand each other, but i can't fathom the fact that you won't be there in the morning anymore. I still want to repair the bridge that divides us, the one that keeps us apart, because you are the one that keeps me waking up, making me move and face anything in my path

Remember our promises? Remember our words? I don't know what happened, everything just started to take a turn for the worse. I used to think that we were invincible, nothing can destroy our march in the happy parade..but now that i'm just sitting alone i realized that forever is still so far away.

I want you
I need you
I miss you
I love you

I keep myself stuck in the darkest corners of my mind, it helps ease the pain of being inadequate, because i don't want to be the glass of water to leave someone thirstier than before. Maybe someday this pit of sour emotion may become something fruitful, but until then this pain that keeps on growing is something that's feeding on my soul.

I wish that you'd help me, be there again like you used to. I'm sure i'll give you anything you need, because if you're there with me, there's nothing I won't do. Now that everything's different, and that all I can do is cry until i can't cry no more, there's nothing i realize more than the fact that forever was something we weren't ready for...

But i still love you..I still consider you my everything. these wounds will heal but my heart will continue to bleed, because you're the one who has the missing pieces. Now that I'm writing here, the place where my emotions rest, somehow, someway, I still feel that forever is something we can someday get..

My epiphany is that words mean nothing without the proper actions to back them up. Fortunately, I found out about that before things grew more complicated. And for the first time my paranoia paid off. And snakes do exist. They really do. Up yours. But I still give thanks, because without sadness, you cannot experience happiness. And I'm damn sure that I'm happier than ever because of.....so thanks.

I'm raising a finger for those peeps who have been wronged and snaked out. Peace.

music from the heart

2005-10-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

I've been watching a lot of One Tree Hill lately. I'm actually in the middle of the first season DVD. I think i'm gonna finish it sometime..

Anyway, i was browsing TV.com for useless trivia about OTH's episodes and I found out that the episode titles are actually song titles! I checked the title of my fave episode ( s1 ep2) and found out that "The places you have come to fear the most" is a Dashboard Confessional song. I decided to check the band out.

The first song I heard from DC is "Hands Down," a song about one's happiest day. Upon hearing all their albums, I found out that DC is full of extreme happiness or extreme sorrow. It's all about the singer's experiences on a certain emotion everyone feels at some one point in their life(I say this with the belief that there is only ONE love in your life, all others are just being blinded by the semblance of love.) I must say that I've never encountered these type of songs before. After this musical experience, all the stupid love and hate songs are pure shit compared to the stuff these dudes put up. No sugarcoating, just raw and unchannelled emotion.

Why do I keep listening? I don't know. Do I feel some kind of affinity or do I relate to the music? I don't know. All I know that listening to their music just makes me feel the singer's feelings, makes me step into another's shoes, an effect I've never felt before, and in the process, feel better about myself. Just listening to DC just makes me feel damn good. The exact reason I don't really know for sure, I'm just screaming and crying the same time as the song. I never thought that music could be like a book, taking you to places you never thought of before, places that you might have been to already, teaching you and making you feel things you never felt before. I never thought that music could be so emotionally-charged and emotionally-empty at the same time. I never thought music could be so sweet.

On the way home, this car hears my confessions.
I think tonight I'll take the long way...
- Dashboard Confessional "Sharp Hint of New Tears"

Engineering Heat goes 0-2

2005-09-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

Damn. Damn, damn damn. We lost another basketball game today. After being up by as much as I think 20 points in the first half, the weakness of our bench was thoroughly exploited. This led to the whole collapse of the team, leading to the very disappointing loss. I have to give it to our opponent though, because they showed real heart and stuck to their original gameplan. We, on the other hand, went against our own formulated gameplan due to the frustration.

I guess this really is a team game. I just find it hard to concentrate on the game when a lot of the team doesn''t show as much intensity as a handful of players do. It's also hard when I know I can help and contribute but still I am given soooo little playing time. It also hurts that players you know you are better than are given more opportunities than yourself. Well mixie Perez, welcome to the real world.

I don't want to single anybody out, basketball is after all, a team game, and everyone contribute to the loss. I just hope that the team formalizes its roles and rotation so everybody will know what to do. I, on the other hand, will try to prove to everyone I deserve to be at least a sixth man.

I wanted to contribute a lot partly because I want to be in the finals, but mostly for Cecille, who unfortunately took her permanent vacation recently. I still dedicate my performance for her. I felt she was with me throughout the game because I never felt so confident in a game prior to this one. I was just so frustrated that I didn't give the performance I expected. Simple comments aside, Ces, here are my stats: 5 mins played, 2pts, 1/2FG, 2 steals, 1 assist. All of them were for you. I still pray that you are happy now. I hope you are resting well. I am sorry I wasn't able to go to your sendoff. I swear I will visit you once I go to Davao. Take care wherever you are, and I'll see you again someday. Maybe we can talk about the RPG's you missed. Don't worry, I will try to fill you in on every detail. I hope you know that I played my heart out for those 5 minutes I was the playing court. From this game forward, I always will. Thank you for everything. I hope I will get more minutes so I can give even more. Till then, I will prove to everyone I deserve more playing time. I know you will always be watching. Try not to laugh when I bomb ok? hehe. Rest in peace Ces...

See you at the crossroads, so you won't be lonely..

Ateneo-La Salle September 15, 2005

2005-09-16T12:42:00.000+08:00

I woke up yesterday with the notion of having tickets to see the Ateneo-LaSalle game that afternoon. I remember being reeeeaaly excited to be able to go. Shiiiet..nuff said.

I came to work wearing a blue shirt and my Ateneo baller ID. Damn I was hella proud of the team, beating FEU their last game and "Downtown" LA Tenorio raising his stock for next year's pro draft. But with last night's performance, from my previous prediction that he'll go in the top 2, I now feel a number 3 picking is in order. You can quote me on that too. To go a little off the topic, here are my top 3 picks in next year's PBA Draft:
1. Arwind Santos (no doubt, he can really bring the pain with his solid all-around game)
2. Kelly Williams (did you see those hops?? an improved shooting touch will push him up)
3. LA Tenorio (he proved to be very stoppable in 2 games against DLSU but he still is the best PG in the amateurs right now)

I remember I was drenched and cold when I got inside the Araneta Coliseum coz I lost my jacket in an FX that morning, but I was still really energized for the game. I was lucky enough that my mom went ahead of us to save seats, even though my sister never really showed up.

The game started really bad for Ateneo. I think it was a quick 7-0 run for DLSU and there was no looking back after that, but I still was fortunate enough to see Japeth Aguilar throw it down with two hands over TWO La Salle players. Damn!! I guess I should have just taken my seat after that because after that stuff, nothing good came out of the Blue and White again.

Even though Ateneo was only down 5 at the half, I felt that the team wasn't doing enough to win. Tenorio and Intal led scoring with 6 apiece but everyone else struggled shooting inside, outside, and even from the line. I don't know how any team could win with that many FT misses..

By the time the 3rd quarter started, I knew it was over for Ateneo. Numerous steals off the press and a LOT of easy baskets were scored by La Salle. The sad thing is, Ateneo couldn't defend the pick and roll well enough so DLSU also caught fire from the outside. It started to become a whitewash.

I held a breath of hope for the 4th quarter but Ateneo was really outclassed in this one. My mom and I left with 2 minutes remaining in the 4th coz there was really no point in staying there. I also didn't want to contend with the massive numbers of people trying to barge out of the stadium. All wasn't lost thought, because I got the chance to eat at Taco Bell Philippines for the first time. Hehe it was my first meal for the day.

In the end, Ateneo has lost its chance of gaining the 2nd twice-to-beat spot. That can now go to either DLSU or UE this Sunday. I really don't care who wins, I just hope that Ateneo can at least go to the finals, although they will be the underdogs. At least I got to enjoy my tacos and quesadillas last night.

A Letter

2005-09-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

Dear Ces,

I know that we don't know each other too well. I first met you when you were still dorming with Cel a couple of years ago. In fact, I am sorry I didn't use all those chances to know you better.

I must admit, for me at first you were just Cel's roommate whose path I didn't want to cross because I don't know you. The first couple of times that I entered the condo, I did just that. As time went on I was still uncomfortable going there. I don't even know why I still did. But I can remember that you were usually the first one to greet me as I walked in the door. Little by little, my anxiousness started to wear off.

A couple of months passed and I felt that I knew everyone in that condo. I guess I was comfortable already. But to tell you the truth, your empathic greeting accompanied by your inviting smile always gave me the balls to stay there. You always made me feel welcome. Thanks for that.

I remember that you were the one who almost always ordered the same food as I did. When we ordered KFC, you would get the 2-piece with a lot of gravy. Just like me. When it was happy homes, it was usually the same as well. The point is, you were the only one in the condo that ate like I did. That made me feel even more welcome.

I also remember that you loved video games, especially RPG's. I could always see you playing games, whether it was FF7 on your PS emulator or Ragnarok Online, you were immersed in video games. When it wasn't video games, it was watching movies. I must say that my habit of just surfing channels in search of random movies was something that I got from you. Thanks again.

Because of some issues that I didn't really want to be a part of, you moved out the next year. After that, I rarely saw you again, except for the times we would catch each other walking along katipunan or enjoying a meal at the nearest 7-11. We would just exchange greetings and that was that.

The last time I saw you was I think during January, when I was hanging out outside the convenience store outside Prince David, lamenting on the past and the future. These are my accounts of that encounter using my limited memory: you saw me there and greeted me hello. I said the same thing and we proceeded to ask each other how we were. When it got to me, for some strange reason, I decided to tell you something really personal..something I wouldn't usually tell to anyone I see on the street. But at that moment, I didn't care if I hadn't seen you in a year or so. I guess that comfort that smile of yours brought, as well as all the memories in One Burgundy Plaza made me feel even more comfortable so I proceeded to tell you what I'm thought and hours earlier, cried about.

I guess me babbling is very common. But what you did next gave me the impression that you were a genuinely nice person. I remember you telling me to text you if I felt any worse. I must admit I was moved by the gesture. No one did that other than you. No one. No other person openly told me to ask them for help. Even though at that moment, that might seem a bit odd coming from a person I haven't seen in more than a year and a person I don't know really well, that was big. That was really big. Thank you very much for that. I am sorry that I didn't take your offer. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I'm sorry I didn't even get a chance to say "thanks."
Months passed and everyone has moved on. Most of my friends, including myself, have joined the working force. Because of that, I rarely went to Katipunan anymore. That meant that I rarely saw the people that were still there.

Last Friday, I drove to work with the mindset of spending time with Cel, because it was her day-off. While I was doing my job, I received a call...I found out that you've left us all. To be honest, I didn't know what to do. I knew little about losing someone I know, someone who I've interacted with most of my life. I remember just sitting on my chair, doing nothing.
The day turned into darkness. Everything seemed useless. I thought about the memories I had with you, the times that you were there in the condo the same time I was, the little moments and situations I shared with you. Those were the only ones left.

Your friends held a mass for you in your condo. I remember being scared to come but with Cel's help, I finally decided to join the mass for you.

Everyone was devastated and shocked. The room was filled with despair and sorrow. I tried my best to keep my composure but in the end, I was overpowered by emotion. I cried. I cried because you were nice to me. I would never see that smile of yours again. I would never get to text you and thank you again. I cried because someone I barely knew passed on, never to return. Now I know that I should have tried to know you better. Based on what everyone was saying that night, and that single moment outside Prince David, you were a very nice person. You lit up everyone you came in contact with. No doubt, you did that for me.

I believe everyone has their reasons. I have respect for yours. That is why I am angered by people that try to speak for you, and people who try to judge you. I believe that you should look at a person's life and not that person's passing. It's the least everyone could do for you, given the fact at how much you've touched their lives, including mine.

I'm sorry that I couldn't put this on the post-it last friday. I honestly was at a loss for words. I didn't want to say something incomplete. I'm sorry that the words are just coming now.
Finally, I would like to thank you. Thank you for that one moment. Thank you for giving me the chance to know you, thank you for making me comfortable everytime I went to the condo. thank you for being yourself.

I hope you're in a better place now. I hope that you've found that happiness that you have been searching for. I feel, along with all your friends, that it is long overdue for you. You deserve nothing but happiness. I will dedicate my performance at my company's sportsfest to you. I will try my best to perform until my limits set in. Thanks again. Even though I never knew you too well, you will definitely be missed.

See you at the crossroads...rest in peace dear friend...

mixXx

Medicine...

2005-01-19T01:00:00.001+08:00

I just got 2 new cd's...Urbandub's Influence and Mayonnaise's self-titled disc, just last night. I've got to say that for a hardcore rap fanatic such as myself, I really enjoy what OPM has to offer. The past couple of years saw some of the best OPM CD's I've ever got a hold of...Kjwan's self-titled cd, Sponge Cola's Palabas, both of Sugarfree's discs, all of the Sandwich discs, the 2 new maya discs, cambio's derby light, and so on...

I've got to say that my 2 recent CD purchases have given no disappoinment...Mayonnaise reminds me of Sugarfree-Eheads with a certain pop approach..12 tracks, no gimmicks, mostly stories about love(heartbreak), accompanied by great riffs and great delivery. Bravo. My fave tracks would have to be Bakit 1&2, Dahil, and the infamous Jopay about a certain dancer on noon TV. Overall a great disc to go along with your andwich and cheese..hahaa...corny puta...

The highlight of my purchase last night would have to be Urbandub's 2nd CD, Influence. I've been wanting to get this CD for a while, but monetary constraints(blame it on San Miguel) made me reconsider everytime. I must say it was worth the wait...the CD's 10 tracks are all amazing, and they proved me wrong. At first I thought they were pnoy-Deftones, but I was soooo wrong. They are more than that. Magaling sobra pre...

My fave track on this cd would be...all of them!! astig ung cd sobra..I wish all CD's were like this, where you wouldn't have to search for the next track. Instead, this CD got my player stuck on repeat. All of the tracks are amazing. Astig tlaga..

But if I have to pick a certain favorite among the 10 tracks, it would be the 6th one...hahaha..call it sentimental reasons or some shit like that, pro this was the song that hit me the most. The amazing riff helped too hehe..here goes...

Urbandub - Gone

Where do we go from here?
The suspense is a thrill
To me your feel, your taste is still so clear
I run, but my legs can only take me so far
It’s beating me down, it’s tearing me down.

Well tonight I’m feeling emotional
Lonely here tonight
It’s not helping me at all.

It doesn’t make it better that you’re gone
It doesn’t ease the pain at all
That you’re gone.

I scratch against the walls
I drown myself in tears
Imagine your hold, but it doesn’t feel as real
And I, cry myself dry
It’s all over now and you’ll never be around

"I run, but my legs can only take me so far..I drown myself in tears
Imagine your hold, but it doesn’t feel as real..And I, cry myself dry
It’s all over now and you’ll never be around"

Hope...

2004-12-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hmm..this is my therapy..haha..so bear with me...

I remember watching the matrix reloaded after goin clubbin with the cousins up in the SPC..All this after a couple of bottles of san mig light, a shot of tequila, very cold weather, and a worn-out voicebox after numerous rounds of singing with the videoke machine. I came up with this quotable quote from the architect while trying to down the nth shot of empy.... its goes sumthin-sumthin like this: "Hope is man's greatest strength, but also his greatest weakness.." Wow..very powerful..
Anyway, the past couple of days or so, in light of all the events in my life, I came up with my own interpretation of the passage..

As people, we are often faced with situations where we are tasked to make choices..as imperfect beings, our basis for choices would be gut feelings, because facts do not always present the most obvious answer. Some times they even mislead. So I believe that even if facts are present, one's personal and most deepest feelings control our decision-making. For example, during last november's detroit-indiana brawl, Stephen Jackson didn't care if he was gonna get suspended for going into the stands, he just wanted to help his teammate. That's instinct at work, not rational thinking.

So as people, when we make our decisions, our feelings govern us. And the strongest feeling we can have is hope. Take note this is never grounded on facts or figures, but one's instincts, one's feelings. That's what makes it so powerful. A person full of emotion cannot be stopped whatever the reason presented.

It is a strength, because it is sometimes the key for success, happiness, or any other positive thing. But the irony here is that it is a weakness. Hope can cause downfall, despair, grief, maybe even death. Yes I believe also that hope can cloud judgement, present impossibilities as possibilities, and make one blind to what is really going on.

It is both a strength and weakness? I believe so. But I also believe that the loss of hope is the loss of our humanity, because I believe that hope is what keeps us as humans going, due to the reason that facts may not always be present. In the end, a gut feeling of hope is all we have of survival. Yes, it may be irrational and at times very crazy, but what do we have left if we don't have hope and rationality is not always there?

In closing, hope is always going to be there. It's just a matter of denial and affirmation. In my life, I was faced with a lot of denial of hope, denying to push through, but I know now, based on everything I went through, that hope should be affirmed sometimes. We need to have hope..leave reason behind and take a leap of faith, to complete our lives..

ahhh...so deep...hahaha..

Awww....Parents Do Understand!

2004-12-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

Lemme see..it's 6 pm and I'm looking forward to a day 2m (hopefully) with the guys. I had some good moments today..

First, my dad finally let me drive the CR-V! After 2 years, he finally trusted me to take the wheel. It was at a fairly near distance, from the crib to SM City and back. It was ok. I wasn't really used to the high ride height and harder steering compared to my Civic, but I guess it was ayt, given the fact that I myt get my car back soon..Oh yeah, I made the car run over a curb coz I wasn't able to judge the distance properly. HAHA! Amazingly, even after a lot of instances, no road rage...hmm...

Second, I really saw how I am surrounded by the greatest people in the world. Seen the mojofly video "Mata Mo?" Something like that. Don't really wanna elaborate, but it's mejo kinda like that the situation. hahahaha..So I would like to give a shoutout to those peeps who have gotten my back the past couple of weeks or so...

dyologs - pare without ur words, I probably would have done something stupid already. Thanks bro for everything...
phenom - pare napangiti mo ko! haha! slamat! Wag ka alala babawi ako..
Kulafu - wow man I can't explain the impact of the help you've given me so far..bravo!
Marky Mark - pare slamat for everything din...I swear pare gagawa ako next game..
Mars - for a gothic presentation of things..mars style..
Jeb - sup nigga I know you had my back since day 1 pare. Salamat sa words. They mean a lot specially d p nman tyo mashado nagkikita. We ride together, we die together, bad boys 4 life! Imma meet up witchu in LaLa land homeboy!
Kuya Jeps "The Notorious P.I.G." - mashadong pessimistic! haha pro salamat na din dun sa gimik natin...mejo kinailangan ko tlaga un..txt-txt lang at gimik tyo nila Pat sa baywalk minsan!!
Kuya Jason - sup bro holla at ur boy man, come back home and we gon roll on a lot of places dawg, made me feel good at least I know someone's goin through something similar..hopefully I'll c y'all in about 3-5 years..we gon go to dem clubs I wasn't able to go to last time. Tell Jomar to come too. Payce!

Shet parang album credits a..Well if i forgot anyone, I'm really sorry..but here's a big thank you to ur efforts...I know I'm not fully ok, but you guys know what I want to do now..hope y'all will still be there coz things can only get harder..don't worry yo boy mixXx will be gettin ur backs as well..thanx tlaga...

Finally, as this title goes, my parents do understand..for ages I've thought the other way, but during this moment of grief, pain, and longing, they have come through..awww...they bought me a laptop this morning..i really didn't expect it, but when my dad and I went to SM, BOOM!..we were going laptop-hunting pla...I almost got a powerbook, but I told my dizzad that I don't really wanna adjust to a mac, so I got a 2.8 ghz 512MB dell instead..sweet! I know they were trying to cheer me up, given the fact that they've seen my bum-ass sad face here all around the house for the past week or so, and also from the fact that due to my non-eating, I lost an extra 3 pounds...so that makes me a 147 now...awww...damn I love my family..I really can't believe they did that. I was sooooo down, and that gesture can't help but put a little smirk on my face..at least for that moment in time..

These times have been really rough...really...really rough...but thanks to my peeps, I have been pushing myself not to resort to drastic measures and to hold on to whatever I have and hope for the best..I'm still learning...

Losing Grip

2004-12-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

I still haven't found time to try to finish this shit..I just ran out of ideas..overflow of...ewan...anyway...for a homeroom moment, let's look at the great poet Usher Raymond and his piece entitled "Throwback"....

You never miss a good thing till it leaves ya
Finally I realized that I need ya
I want ya back
Baby girl I need ya back
Gotta have ya back, babe
Heartbroken when you left my world
Man I wish I woulda kept my girl
I love you
I don't know what I'm gon do without my baby

It's driving me crazy
'Cause I'm missing my baby
I'm goin' out of my mind and I'm runnin' out of time
Oh I just wish I could find you, girl
Said I'm about to go crazy
'Cause I been needin' you lately
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

Aww baby
What you say now?
And still I want you, want you, want you, want you, want you
Need ya babe

If I could rewind the time
And get inside ya mind
I would take back all my words
I didn't see it, I couldn't see what I was doin' babe
See baby girl I was blind
And I wish that I could try
To be the man that you deserve
Give me one chance to make it work

Wish I could throw it back
I want it the way it use to be

somebody please fucking save me...hahaha...goddammit...

yes...

2004-12-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

That's right. I am a South Park addict. I've seen all episodes, heard all the music, and I have a VHS copy of the movie and copies of all episodes. Put me in a trivia contest about the show and I have a good chance of winning. Anyway, this blog is about 25.999999999% done. I just want something good to look at. I need something to cheer me up and/or take up a lot of my time besides the PC, PS2 and DVD's. Poor silly ol' me.

Anyway, a little explanation. The character on the top banner is my fave. It's Leopold Stotch better known in the fanbase as "Butters." He is seen with his alter-ego Professor Chaos ( and what a rip-off of that Spidey poster). He becomes the latter when he feels oppressed, sad, and detached from the world. I hope this blog serves as therapy for me, coz I do have issues. Just Kidding. I just wanna let some shit out every now and then. Just bear with me goddammit.

Why Butters? Well Eric Theodore Cartman or simply "Cartman" is also a fave of mine, but everyone knows him and likes him. I hate pop culture. I like to go "against the flow." Oh yeah, and a certain feeling of likeness to Butters helps too.

Anyway, like my life, a whole lot of changes are badly needed for this blog, and this is the start of it. I WILL try to finish this shit before school starts so I can put some well-needed changes in my own shit. Peace

U Don't Know What The Fuck Ur Talkin About Sucka

2004-09-26T10:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm..first of all, FUCK YOU!

U don't know what ur talkin about. U know what? just stop talking shit, and clean up everything u spit out so far. COZ IT'S NOT WHAT UR THINKING. bitch. I am here to tell the whole fucking world how u r a fucking worthless piece of talking shit. Nothing else. No private crap, it's all in the open. The only reason why I didn't do this before is because I love my girl and she wants to put everything behind y'all. But u decided that it ain't over, so now IT'S ON.

It ain't about that fucking "tale" about u and ur fucking sex life. Can't get sex in the city, stop fucking yapping and get that stick out ur ass and put it in so u could see the truth! This is all here because ur a lying, conniving, two-faced piece of shit. stop talking smack before u get smacked! U and ur friends are just like bitches coz y'all are CGL = Can't Get Laid. There's a reason for that.

Stop saying she is weak and all that crap, her weakness is that she's too nice to knock u the fuck out. u need to look at the bigger picture and stop fucking hiding! just come out and admit ur a fucking backstabbing, two-faced bitch. then it will all stop. fuck you.

Sorry world for doing this. At least I do my bashing in public.

wha?

2004-09-16T13:30:00.000+08:00

i was watchin the amazin race earlier. it's hella cool they stopped over herre..it was so fun watchin them in EDSA tryin 2 catch a cab. and i bet they couldn't understand each other very well. so sad. haha...

personally, im rootin for colin and christie. haha. the ultimate hothead and the only person who can "calm" him down. sounds familiar celeste? hahahaha :D

that sucks they got yielded. by people they trusted. that's right, the common thing in real life is common in the game too. i bet that colin is hella pissed right now at chip ( funky-ass name for an african-american dude..) and kim for stickin a fuckin big stick in their backs. but it's all good, it's only a game, not real life.

if something like that happens in real life, it's a hell of a different story. i mean it sucks, but chameleons DO exist. note to self: memorize that fact!! why the fuck do i gotta know that too fuckin late??!?! hahah!

Funny how things go. one minute they're all good, then all hell breaks loose. Ultimately, things are good again, which is reason enough to hope. Coincidentally, it is through harsh times that good times are realized. Kansas is Dorothy's home but tragically going to oz made her see that. Yasmeen Bleeth wouldn't have been perceived as beautiful if she wasn't surrounded by everyday people. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but our humanity is grounded by our bodies and our senses. Universally speaking, the sweet can never be the sweet without the sour. But this is so shallow, i don't know why. It runs so slow, yet it could fly. The day won't end without me knowing, yes, it won't. Chimes of disgrace are heard through these cold walls of stone. Hindrances abound, yes i know, but i'll get through, i'll destroy it all.

malabo? HA! it's not. it is, but it's not. im being fuckin mysterious. just read. you'll get it. it's just me thinking out LOUD.

a lot of bullshit has happened so far, but it's all good, what goes around, comes around and if it doesn't, i'm damn sure gonna be the catalyst, so call me the fuel to the fire.

damn..gotta rest, all bullshit is breakin loose.

payce!!!!

kabooomm!!!!! and this ain't basketball

2004-09-16T12:48:00.000+08:00

HHwwatta bomb! First performance ever, and it was a bomb, feedbacks galore, missed chords, everything blew up. But i'm glad that i did it, coz the exposure was worth it. I needed A start. any kind will do. I'm now wiser.

damn..this post is hella overdue already...since sep 4.. have i been THAT busy? yup!! damn spider-man 2 the game( which i finished na), damn pirated DVD's, and damn school, consuming my time!! haha!
well, to make the long story short, i performed in front of a crowd (fuckin finally) only 2 bomb. well that sucks, and i'm thankful that happened, coz i KNOW i'm fuckin better than i was that nite. beginner's luck wasn't there, it was just pure, unaltered fuckin stage fright. shit, i know i can perform. no excuses, i fucked up that nite.

i still wanna perform. i know i can. that was a great learning experience. shoutout 2 my homie marky mark.

a final note, i'm a guitar player that sings, and i write my own songs. but i'm better with a band. i like the hard shit, but i feel more comfortable with a softer, edgier sound. puta, what a shameless plug. hear me out y'all!

payce!

oh hell yeah!

2004-08-29T10:53:00.000+08:00

it's my birthday, we gon party like it's my birthday, and i don't give a fuck it's not my birthday!

damn! haven't blogged in a while. haven't had any inspiration....UNTIL...let's just say some loose threads were seen, and yes, the revolution has begun.

it's been a VERY bittersweet week for me..i almost lost the one thing that keeps me very happy, due to my own stupidity and my habit of being quick to pull the trigger. damn! that was very, very stupid of me! i know i should have given it a bit more thought. anyway, i'm glad that episode's over, and now, a new one has begun.

but then again, i got high on my quizzes and tests, and my hope of slacking in the 2nd sem is in full operation! haha!

right now there's a consortium of rage-inducing thought in my head. usually, i just let it out like i don't have a care in the world, but because there are somewhat serious and unwanted events that can take place if i do release the rage, and i don't want that happening, so pure objective reason is the only thing keeping me from turning into the hulk hehe

also, there's this word that has crept in to my usual vocabulary. it is in light of the situation. oh yeah, i've also rediscovered the angst-slash-rage in my writing, as well as learned a very valuable lesson: that i should never assume that chameleons are extinct. whoooo!!

so here's a big FUCK YOU to anyone out there who feels he/she has done something messed up and jaded and feels that he/she deserves to be hit. to even things up, here's a FUCK YOU to those who've made stupid decisions and want to punish themselves for doing so (myself included)

"..all i know is that when i think about it, i'd still rather be me than maybe you"
- Hoobastank "Better"

MTV: BS

2004-08-11T12:03:00.000+08:00

wow..what a messed up day..fever..cough and colds..diarrhea! no wonder i'm such in a messed up mood to post something like this..haha! anyway, here goes...

i have this beef right now with MTV asia. yup! that very mediocre music channel that doesn't have any shows original to asia(except all that talk-talk bullshit, which is very common) and shows NOTHING but all that crappy pop and artists that were rejected by the US market most of the time (see: Westlife, Blue, and all that europop crap).

But i have to give it to them, they have some good shows, but these are the more genre-oriented ones such as rock'd and jams( only the music is good in this show, SOMETIMES! rock'd is the better one.)

to show how crappy mtv asia is, just check out their programming, and you'll see that they have "non stop hits" on about half (or even more!)of the time! and this show plays the crappiest music ever! who the hell are these spanish and english boy and girl groups??

finally, because mtv asia tends to overplay stuff, the good stuff tend to become the crappiest songs ever! some recent samples are linkin park's "in the end," (which has been relegated to videoke machines and salbakuta fans) and hoobastank's "the reason," which is a very good change of sound for the band, but the overplaying just caused it to be very cheesy, forever diminishing the value of the song. oh yeah, on a side note, because hoobastank is coming to asia, mtv decided to promote them! A LOT! doesn't this channel have a knack of over-promoting?( see: artist of the month, motoalert, lokal artist..blahblahblah, all of which are forms of just promoting the artist releasing a new album! damn!!) and because hooba is coming over, they will suddenly play ALL existing hooba vids, most of which are gonna be played over and over until hooba is gone from asia. damn! i just saw "out of control" played 2day! that was their first single from "the reason" cd, and it just got played NOW, as well as most of the songs from their debut album. it just sickens me to my stomach because of the fact that once the tour is done, most of these videos(good ones too)are rarely going to be seen again.

all in all, mtv asia, PLEASE quit adapting to the market, isn't that opposite to what MTV really stands for? isn't MTV about setting the pace for everyone else to follow? set the tone and stop kissing corporate ass! just emulate the right way to set the tone: MTV US: more orig shows
( stuff like jackass, viva la bam, wildboyz, room raiders, etc..), less lip, more music! until then, this unhappy dude will just watch MYX. at least there the music videos are newer and most of the red tape bullshit is gone..oh yeah, karel and heart are there too...hehehe..peace out!

whoa

2004-08-08T12:22:00.000+08:00

Damn this is my first time using something like this. Call me whatever but I rarely use the net nowadays, coz I'm so busy with doing flash animations and HTML websites. That's when I'm home. And I'm not usually at home. Haha.

What a day. I had a test that i only gave 2 hours of study time to, and i hope 2 get at least a C+ or B or whatever on that piece, coz i don't wanna worry 2much abt my frickin QPI..dammit..anyway, i still gotz 2do this flash movie for tuesday, and I'm frickin sick! dammit!